I didn't want to be his best man
by Esthernight
Summary: SLASH. Shawn's point of view on Cory wedding. Please Review!
1. Chapter 1

I didn't want to be his best man; I wanted to be his man.

I didn't want to be his best friend; I wanted to be his boyfriend.

"Choose Eric, he's your brother, he should your best man." I told Cory sweetly sitting on his bed in our dorm, my smile masking the real reason. Best mans, bride maids dresses, cakes, halls, it was starting to sink in. I always thought Cory and Topanga were a just playing house. I hoped that she would leave. I hoped Cory would grow out of this Topanga thing. I knew he loved me. I every time he kiss me, held me, touched me. I couldn't understand how this was really happening.

"Your okay with that?" Cory asked.

"Yea" I shirked. I couldn't be his best man. I couldn't stand there and watch the man who I love become someone else's husband.

Cory put his arms around me. Damn I love his big warm arms.

"You're the best person in world. I don't know what I would do without you." Cory squeezed me tighter. Damn he's strong.

"You're getting marred…" I nuzzled my face in his neck.

"Yea, I know." He cheered still holding me.

"Don't we need to talk? About us?" I whimpered.

Cory said nothing just squeezed me tighter

"Cory did you just hear me?"

"Please be my best man?" He said, "Shawnie, you're my best friend, please be my best man?" He nuzzled his face in my chest. Then he chuckled "We both know if Eric's the best man, he'll set something on fire."

Cory's hand moved down my back. He kissed my neck.

"Okay Cor, I'll do it."

That's Cory, always able to distract me. Always able to get me to forget all the serious issues. Always able to make me feel safe.

We raised our heads to each other.

"Cor…" I started but Cory pressed his lips mine and slipped his tongue in my mouth. Damn it, I loved kissing him. I've loved it since we were 15. We could talk later.

%%%%%%%

My eyes slightly opened to see 9:32 am in bright red letters. Cory was next do me doing the quiet snore I've grown to known. I grabbed my bed sheet and sank face into my pillow. I should be happy, lying here as a college student, the man I've love since I was 12 holding me tight.

But of course I'm too jaded, too hard to please, I couldn't be ever happy. I looked back at Cor, at the peaceful look on his face. If we could stay like this forever, maybe I could be happy. But this couldn't be forever.

We hadn't had that talk I wanted. Cory spent the last week running around with Topanga with wedding plans. The only time he spent with me was either bossing me around or fucking me. I usually wouldn't mind the second thing, hell usually I would have loved it. But I knew Cory was just using sex to get to shut me up. I turned to face Cory, he looked so happy and peaceful sleeping. My heart sank, thinking if this was going to be last time I would see him in the morning.

"Cor, why are you doing this do me?" I whispered.

"What?" he said still half sleep.

"Why are you marrying Topanga?"

Cory took a deep breath, "because that's how its suppose to be"

"Do you love her?"

"I love her, yea"

"Do you love me more?"

He was silent. Then he sat up, "We should be get going. We have a big day."

Either of us could ignore the elephant in the room.

Today was Cory's wedding day.


	2. Supposed To Be

**Sorry I haven't update this in while. I've busy working on my book (based on my fan fiction story It Wasn't Me. In case you're curious about it, here the link (I always reviews): **

** story/9761807-it-wasn%27t-me**

**So anyway here chapter 2**

"I hate him" I screamed stomping into the apartment where the girls stood around Topanga as they did her nails.

I hated all this wedding shit.

"I hate him. He's nothing but an annoying, whining, little, white boy."

Angela wrapped an arm around my waist, "What's wrong my brother?"

"Cory is what's wrong" I yelled walking into another room where Topanga wasn't, "I don't know what I ever saw in him."

I sat down on Jack's bed.

She sat down next to me and put her hand on my knee.

"You think on his wedding day that he would realize how hard this is for me." I threw my head up.

"Shawn…" Angela said, "I'm sorry but this wedding is really happened."

"Don't I know it" I smirked.

She brushed the hair out of my face, "Shawn you are a hot, smart, sweet guy. If you just let the word out, there would be hundred boys in line begging for you."

Oh yea, Angela knew everything. She figured it out and I couldn't lie to her anymore.

I shook my head at her suggestion, "But I love Cory"

She gently grabbed my hand, "I know, and I know that Cory cares about you too. But…look at what he's putting you though. I'm sorry to say this but if that man loves you as much as you say, he wouldn't be marrying Topanga"

Angela Moore, my voice of reason. She was so right yet so wrong.

I shook my head again, "You don't understand."

"I know Shawn." She nodded, "I just think you deserve someone who will treat you better. Just…at least consider it."

%%%%

I laid on my bed looking up at the beer in above me.

It was only one beer so calm down.

Cory's wedding was in half an hour. But I didn't want to go. I was mad at him. I was fighting with him.

"This is the last day we'll ever be Shawn and Cory, Cory and Shawn." I whispered to myself.

"But maybe" my head danced around, "He'll change his mind. But maybe if I put my foot down. But maybe if I call him out."

Then I thought, "But if I don't go I'm sure I'll regret it. Plus Cory will hate me."

I put the half emptied beer on my nightstand and got up to put on my suit.

%%%%

When I got there Cory and Topanga were already at the altar. Just like they've been for years.

I took a deep breath and walked to him, "Here, you're going to need these rings"

He smiled at me, "Shawnie you came"

I fake a smiled, "I couldn't miss this Cor"

"I'm so sorry" He whispered.

I nodded, "Well you should be, but we'll talk about it after the honeymoon."

Then he had to pick at the scar, "Wait what you mean I should be?"

I rolled my eyes, "Cory you've been a total jerk to this whole time."

"It's like you're trying to sabotage my wedding day" He smirked.

Asshole!

I got two inches from his face, "If I wanted to sabotage your wedding day I would do this." I grabbed him by his suit. My initial thought was to kiss him. Exposed him in front of Topanga and everybody. God that would have shown him. But…I couldn't. I just didn't have guts do to it. Instead I shoved him.

"I shouldn't have even come here. I have a good life jerk." I yelled walking away.

Then I heard him screamed out, "You too trailer trash."

My body paused as his words chilled me.

Cory was supposed to be the one person in the world that would never call me that. Cory was supposed to be the one person in the world that thought I was good enough. Cory was supposed to be the one person in the world that loved me for me.

That was the moment I realized that despite everything that he tried to tell himself, Cory Matthews was not what he was supposed to be.

%%%%%

I somehow ended up giving best man speech. I'll admit that I was proud of myself for keeping together.

"I may not be the best man, but I'm the best friend"

I laughed a little inside knowing the deeper meaning of "best friends".

"Cory and I have been best friends all our lives" I went on staring at him. Still questioning how he could fuck me over like this.

"We've though everything together. Life. Death. And Feeny."

Everybody else laughed. But Cory and I held our serious glances at each other. I felt angry. He looked nervous.

"But Cory and I can no longer be best friends."

And we both knew what that really meant.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry this took forever. I've been busy working on my original work. **

**My book It wasn't Me (based on my BMW fan fiction)**

** story/9761807-it-wasn%27t-me**

**I'm also working on a lesbian story, that I really want some reviews on**

** story/16354790-sex-money-and-fame-girlxgirl**

**So enjoy and please review**

I was hanging out in the dorm floor bathroom. I know it's creepy, but the co-ed bathroom was a great place to think about sexuality. I think it was first time in my life allowed myself to think about it. Men and women alike walked half naked without a care. A pretty blonde smiled at me. She was hot. I was attracted girls and all. That was never really the problem. But it was something different about me. I guess girls were the easiest thing. There was sex ed. There was social society. There was always an explanation for girls. But there was no book or class on being attracted to boys. There were no instructions or warnings.

I just begin seeing things differently. I never said anything about it. I repressed it. I didn't really know what I was seeing or what it meant until I looked over at Cory that day. It was the day after our first make out party in 7th grade. The one where he didn't make out.

Were lying his bed when I asked him, "Why were you scared to kissed her?"

He looked at me confused.

"Topanga and you already kissed. Last year, remember? We gave you that terrible perm and you looked like a total dork. And Topanga kissed you. Remember?"

He nodded.

"If you already kissed her. Then why couldn't you kiss her at the party?"

I stared at me then looked at the ceiling, "That was different. That was a peck. This is making out, and making out in front of people. Plus I don't…you know…don't know how to do it. I'm not like you. I don't just do things like that."

He was right. I made out with three girls at that party.

I sat up and looked his clean face. He was so pure and dumb.

"Maybe I could help you?" I asked.

Cory looked at me confused, "Like…like how?"

I moved closer to his face. He scanned me and whimpered.

I looked into his young eyes then his innocence lips.

He put a hand on my shoulder. He looked at me with curiously and wonder. I loved it when he looked at me like that. I took it as a green light. I placed my lips on his. He shook. I was shaking too.

Cory wasn't responding so I pulled back. He looked terrorized.

"You just kissed me?" He grasped.

I nodded, "Yea I did…I just thought…maybe…" I stopped. I didn't know how to finish that. I just stared at that cute face. I might have had movie star good looks, but he was cute in that nice guy, loveable dork way.

"Dose that make us gay?"

I shrugged, "I don't know"

He put a hand on my shoulder, "Okay…do it again."

"What?" I asked.

"Try it again. Now that I know its coming."

I kissed him again. This time he kissed back. He moved lips with mine. It felt really great. My body was tightening and tingling. I wanted more. After a few seconds we opened mouths and I slipped my tongue into his mouth. His body jerked.

Oh my god. I never thought I'd be kissing a boy like this.

I had to pulled away for air, "Well…um"

I looked down at him. His mouth was gaping open, his eyes were shut, and his eyebrows raised.

We heard the knob turn. I got off of him and sat up on the other side on the bed. Eric opened the door and went to get something out of the dresser. As he dug though the clothes Cory sat up and we awkwardly shifted our eyes. We didn't say anything to each other. We didn't need to. I don't think there was anything we say.

That was the day I poisoned both of us. We didn't really know what to call ourselves. Later I learned that there was a thing called bisexual. I think Cory would call himself bisexual, if confronted. But I didn't think of myself as bi. I didn't have a problem with bisexuality. But my…interest weren't really 50/50. You know what I mean? I dated girls and had sex with them. It wasn't bad…but it was different compared to sex with Cory. Being in a man's arms gave me a high. Touching a guy made me hot.

That's what I thought about as I was wandering around the bathroom. A guy at nearby sink winked at me. He was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Oh he was fucking hot. Tall dark skinned man with big muscles. I was never really into bald guys, but it looked hot on him.

I winked back, "Hey, you come here often."

He smiled, "I'm 4B"

I nodded, "I'm 4E"

We playfully flirted for a little bit as the room cleared.

"You're really hot" he told me.

I shifted closer to him and sweetly whispered in his ear, "Well I find you hot as hell"

We scanned each other's bodies again.

"How about a quick fuck?" I whispered.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a stall. We started making out roughly. Like crazy. I spent all these years thinking Cory was the best kisser. But maybe it was because I had nothing to compare it to. He threw my back against the stall. It was cold and hard, but his body felt hot so I could care. The towels dropped. He grabbed me and flipped me over.

"'God I'm fucking gay." I screamed.

And it was time everybody knew about it.


	4. Chapter 4- Boyfriend

Boyfriend.

I remember the first time Cory said that word.

It was the summer after I had moved in with Turner. It was a perfect sitration at the time. Turner had his nights when he went out and when he was home he wasn't nosey. He never questioned me spenting hours in my locked bedroom with my male best friend.

We were making out like crazy. Him dugging into my bare back. Me grabbing on to his collar. A lot of rubbing.

He pulled away for air. His curls were dripping with sweat.

"So are we like boyfriends?" he asked.

"What?" I laughed.

I couldn't believe it. He actally used the word "boyfriend".

"Are we like boyfriends or something?" He got off of me and sat up, "I'm kind of confused about us."

I sat up too, "Um…"

"Can guys even do that?" he asked.

Like I would know.

"I don't know" I shugged.

"I need to know because…I like Topanga."

I laughed, "What?"

"I like Topanga, and I want to ask her to be my girlfriend."

"Oh." I grasped.

He nodded, "Yea…but I just wanted make sure that…"

I sat up, "Oh yea, if you want to ask Topanga out. Yea go for it."

I pulled the hair out of face, "I didn't think you were into her."

"I didn't think I was either." He nodded, "but I now that we have gotten closer and I…"

"It's cool man" I nodded, "You should go for it."

* * *

><p>"So when are you going to do it?" Angela asked as we got our coffees.<p>

"I think I'm going to do it all at once. Just ripped the band aid right off." I said as we sat down.

Cory and Topanga were on their honeymoon. Still. I haven't talk to my best friend. I wasn't looking forward to seeing him.

Angela smiled at me. "I'm glad you decied to do come out."

I took a slip. "It's a good thing I don't I have a lot family. I don't think I would've been able to tell my dad."

"You have Jack. Remeber?" She pointed out, "He's your brother. And he's stuck by you all this time and he'll strick by you now."

I nodded. I somhow always seem to forget to count Jack as family. It's…it's like we were in this between stage. We talked to each other. We care about each other. We were more the friends or roomates , but weren't excaclty famliy. Or atleast not in my veiw.

I looked down at my coffee, "Yea, I guess."

She put her on the table, "And I may have not known your dad but I think he would love you don't matter what."

I looked up at her. She was so beautiful. I kind of wished we could have ended up together.

"I'm scared." I said.

"You never thought of yourself as a homosexual?" She smirked.

I laughed, "I guess I thought I was a Corysexaul."

She rolled her eyes. But it was ture.

* * *

><p>I squezed Angela's hand as we sat in the Matthew's living room. Cory and Topanga were coming back form their honeymoon. Jack sat next to us on the couch with Rachel on the arm, while Eric sat in the chair.<p>

We slinetly waited for them.

"So Shawn are you okay?" She whipstered.

I nodded.

Then the door opened.

"Heyyyy" Cory and Topanga cheered coming though the door.

Of course everybody hugged, and said "we missed you."

I tried to say out of it, but Cory came at me with opens arms. I hugged him giving him two little pats on the back. Then I hugged Topanga.

"Hey can we talk later?" she whipstered in my ear.

"Yea sure."

Then we sat down and talked about the honeymoon.

"Sounds like paradise."

They smiled at each other then at us, "Almost paradise."

Angela pinched my thigh.

"Ow." I bit getting up.

"Shawn has something he wants to tell you guys."

Great.

"What's up Shawn?" Jack asked.

I cleared my thorat.

Angela was smiling at me. Jack and Rachel seemed I nterseted. Eric looked like he was on Mars. And Cory and Topanga had their eyebrows rasied.

Fuck it.

I stood up frout of everybody I knew and said it.

"I'm gay."

Everybodies' mouth dropped.

"I know it's kind of a shock."

Rachel raised her hand, "I'm not that surprised actally."

Eric nodded, "Yea that makes total sense."

"You know" Jack spoke up, "You're my brother and I don't care what you are."

I nodded, "Thanks Jack."

"Wait, wait, wait." Cory hopped up, "No. No, this isn't happening."

Here it is.

Cory walks up to me yelling, "No. No. Shawn I don't know where you're head is. You're supposed to marry Angela, I'm married to Topanga. The four of us…"

"Cory stop." I yelled, "That is your plan, not mine."

"Shawn, don't you want a family?"

"Maybe my version of a family, is different form yours. Maybe there is a life beyond your white fence."

"Shawn, I know what you really want."

"You have no idea what I want." I started shouting, "What I want? I want to sleep with a man, a man that cares about me, that puts me first, that…that dosen't hide me away like I'm some second rate slut."

We were staring lasers into each others eyes.

I took a breath, "I want a man, that wants me. I don't know what to call that, but that's what I want."

"I'd call that a boyfriend." Angela said.

I turned back to Cory, "Yea, I want a boyfriend."


End file.
